i am about to.....

today i get my pdf'thsssss from my old laptop including a ten volume set of exhaustive study on the monarch system which i don't read.And several crazy things i can't make heads or tales over exactly.I have no on line access anymore where i rest these days.I wanted to do things politely and orderly with anything regarding you but i know its not possible i will always step on your toes evident ally even when i forgo almost all on line connections in my life.Since you know me as well as you do youclearly know precisely and exactly what and how to engage me on the computer in a constructive positive and personal level.I am al ways the loser because i do not play games with hearts at least as soon as i realize the mistakes i made.I don't c what google buzz is i have been limited going on line of late i had two minutes a few days ago and google buzz se 14 buzzez and today none. I wish i new it more and all i care about is one thing.I know the type of consistency you have applied to me and i know that is not the complete you. i thought you were expressing your disdain that way. my dream? what is most important to me outside the big ones is all you all the time even scrawl its called human connection its fun and heart warming and i could learn a lot doing something positive like that..........................................i so wish for a real connection and so much do not want people forced and cajoled so iu strugle with mixed feelings try not to to conclude keep un open mind.It will abate naturally or it wil not abate Naturally;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;I wish you could read my mind.I think and i know i could be wrong but you have been honest in your expressions and i did not see it, Am i write? you would be rather a saint to releive me of this ocd nightmare my mind conjurz would you consider simpy helping me clear my mind and heart for the benifit of all sentient beings? i wish you had esp