............its all about whats in your head it seems to me..........

The emphasis means to be on self honesty not about things in ones head being real.And timing is everything.When I first became involved with my partner I was briefly going to a very loud mouthed aged psychiatrist who was nuts.When I told him about our relationship and what I liked about it he said , almost loudly hissing......" Stay away from her , she's a hysterical bitch who's using you as a human dildo".....................The reaction of most psychiatrists especially above a certain age is always laughter then they say " oh god" as they put their head in their hands.It sounded very good to me at the time and confirmed my decision.We never lived together until 2001 and still spent lots of time apart but I could never escape the truth about whatever condition I was in.Rather than accept it I would opt to imagine things.I started doing that a lot when I was 6 or 7.It truly goes away as you get older.but with that comes a responsibility to yourself as far as what thoughts and ideas one is focused on.The personality is like a mixing board and you mix down but never out those parts of your song that no longer serve you.And while I am very hot to trot with some people and I get BLUE thinking about making love to them and feeling wooden I have already been a human dildo.Similarities one finds in others is vital to you whether you like them or not.Comparing oneself to others never works while jealousy can be refocused as admiration.I wonder if what makes someone interesting is how it is that they can be similar yet arrive there on very different avenues.If only I did not feel it is disloyal to write much about my feelings towards my " partner".Suffice to say that it is undesirable to be very mad at someone and love them perpetually.Its beyond being right or arguing its just that I don't think good relationships in my mind should not be based on difficulty." Difficulty " makes being in love incredible though.Excuse me.......a creature needs tea...............and in keeping with the practice of addressing what is in front of me with the better part of myself,regardless of what my mind is thinking or what my heart is feeling but including them........