.............................The Giant Leap Of Faith

True romantic love between two people has its own language which is unknown to either party.I think that's a condition that a person must achieve by themselves and there is no reverse engineering.I suspect biology takes over my being in a " man and super man " kind of way(george bernard shaw) whatever that means.I can no longer deny that to myself.The universe seems averse to me taking any other route and you could call me purchased now on account of this.Its a very nice feeling to write a song and find yourself humming it or hearing it in your head.My recording methods now are a digital video camera which records the sound well enough to separate it from the video with software you can download.Presently the camera I use has the most bunk sort of files and software in spite of my dumbness in learning how to use these things.I would not mention it but for the strange amount of hassle I have with these things seems almost supernatural.I am glad to learn not to freak out at everything and calmly find a solution.The universe and its method of me conquering a learning disability.Stupid phrase that one for sure but what do you call a child that gets held back almost two grades and had to go to a tutor 4 days a weak then barely graduated high school and got accepted to a college as look as I went to summer school.And I ATTENDED CLASSES IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats pretty dorky.You would think at least I was cutting classes and burning down the library.There are not enough kind words to express the amount of help the teachers gave me.Even the ones that were averse to me agreed on helping me for the most part.I gave them no reason to give me a hard time and I guess they did not want to see me for another year but they knew I did not belong there.Several insisted that I not go to college because I was too backwards or whatever ,while I didn't think graduating college was a good idea because non of the artists I liked at the time did, and I thought it was a better to get on with it.I had the worst social skills imaginable, and I was ' me' then also.Sometimes I pray for myself in the past.I think of myself in hopeless times in the past when my mentality was very negative in every way about situations I thought were hopeless and I pray for myself then.Its sort of a weired way to be a parent to oneself.Thats what it takes for me in life for a variety of reasons.The important thing is to make the changes everyday and in small ways.I can have bad social media skills and relearn social skills without freaking out but u c the point.The experience opens all the doors of a person's way of relating with one another.I had to put my trust in something much more than me to get over my instinctual reactive opinions and subsequent acting out of them.I could not hide from my response to the unusual things I c but I admit I'm love struck by the art of the formal in the way of things.Each formal moment in love is an eternity of bliss like nuzling ones face on another's chest.Oceanic and expansive with no barrier.A perfect duality and causality because the formal gives birth to it its opposite. Excellence demands excellence without assertion.You could say that excellence creates excellence in other people.Its inspiring and so is nature.I am in a state of awe and I love it.The awe is for the experience of what I'm feeling and how elemental it is.Gravity aligns so that imagining looking deeply in someones eyes defies it.I have not ever felt this correct in my life about the unity of my mind my body and my heart.I could never duplicate this feeling and I would not want to.