fulcrum's of change. and what uck fupped me

Moments of realization that maintain a balance in my life.that means accepting those things that make one out of balance in some way.The Lament of the Libra is that things can never be balanced enough which sometimes means visits to the extreme places even where angeles and demons fear to tread. Bob Dylan once related how Buddy Holly Changed his life. His family knew "ticket brokers" in Milwaukee so he had front row. Dylan says that Buddy Holly Looked right down at him and he was never the same. The years I went to the Dead shows are not the years most people attended.I rarely meet people who saw shows those years and there was no camp following.We would go to every show within around 500 miles and drive home. Those years saw the demise of something unique. The effects of dope became painfully obvious. Not at first though. When it was time to play the "space " section Of the song there was no fancy equipment. That meant jerry and phil had to work hard by coming up with impromptu musical interludes. There was no long Mickey bit. Just a 10 minute solo and jerry had to get back to playing his guitar hopefully with all his chops at hand. Two times my life was changed forever because of jerry and the dead. One was seeing them play Dark star and St stephen live at nassau colosseum ,Played with conventional instrumentation.... and the other was accidentally being first row while the full overhead lights were on at the garden (for security reasons)and having jerry go out of his way ,shaking his head at me to let me know he dug how happy and tuned in I was.This show has an obscure but notorious history mentioned in Band histories. Ironically he was singing " don't murder me" while all this was going on.I'm sure I learned all the wrong things from this experience but not so. Not even close.Me here now is my testament. Especially in the middle of my spring cleaning roundup. There is a time and a place for everything but weakness in determining the personal level of correctness in that action IS NOT ONE OF THEM. Any musician working two hundred nights a year is a plain MOTHER FUCKER to me.At another time in my life I suspect it would have killed me. That because I wouldn't have been able to differentiate myself from the job and the importance of it on many levels. Jerry was weak and so was Hunter S Thompson. Hunter swore to blow himself up in a rocket ship and instead acted despicably by hurting his Grandchild and son I assume because he didn't want to face himself honestly. When Jerry was pulling in millions Mountain girl was living with there kids on welfare in Oregon. I'm sorry that's weak no matter how great they play. The responsibility of there place could have been much better served.In That area I see an improvement today. Many on a similar level seem to understand this and are fulfilling their functions beautifully.I am an atlanticist with my cultural sentiments more closely allied with the continental.I watch the world through the lens of one who believes that Neo Federalism is inevitable.We all can work on what that neo Federalism will look like. Simply put the human world can only continue in converging on so many levels of our existence on this planet together.It can go smoothly or it can be effed up.Since I like the smooth Idea I look to things that can assist this. Film and Music are certainly important here.This is part of a longer bit so call this the first bit.........