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Perhaps the folowing verse,if gender bended, may illuminate the tentative communications found here in and owing to a more pronounced "denseness" in my thinking than one might suppose.(I niether wish to flatter myself that one wouldn't but If this were the case for certain one familiar with this blog is limited to the assumptions of what "being dense"means to their deffinition,I mean no offense to tjose suffering from this ,for some,a terrible and tragic affliction. from t.s Eliot's "the lovesong of j alfred prufrock........
"And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
Plainly,I made this blog more public than propriety would sensibly dictate through posting on a heavily trafficked blog site several years ago.We all can relate but perhaps a little more so on my part I am not proud to admit.Besides someone (almost anyone with my choices) would have handled it with less mental"density".Have I not written that I write this blog from and to a deep archrtypal place within my psychology that connects so much of ones inner self as to be intricately wholistic in relation to my life within and externally.Or something like that!I was a very lucky child for if I had been born in to a different class or country it would have meant a one way ticket to the credemore state mental hospital at best.The people my age who wound up there were unspeakably abused in every way.


I was singled out as dense and in need of medical attention by 5 years of age which amounted to little more than repeating several grades.I am a lucky man.I must let go of obsessively horror=frying myself for continueing to be private publicly and worst of all being so non challant and thoughtless about it.I have a mere intuition that if someone was reading this I have improptu guessed they assume I must think as they, much like my previous example of a car cutting off another.It somehow makes sense to the dude cutting you off.A good lesson I learned on a deeper level this year had to do with human affairs,socialization and how subsequently I acted like a slightly "off" 11 year old most of the time.If someone wanted me to be angry wih them now would be a bad time.I havn't been able to maintain hateful thoughts and feeligs much at all and I wonder if someone is mad at me 4 it!perhaps they think I am pretending and so they would feel further wrath at my glib dishonesty.I found over time in the passing of the centuries that it is hard to walk in another person's shoes and making superficial, crass simple judgements of others bad habbits or poor luck.Oddly artists,who often have keen thoughtful insights,owing to their commitment to excellent work,will be thoughtlessly judgemental in a harsh manner when the situation might be perfect for the healing power of a creative,thoughtful and hence "healing answer" even when no question was asked.The arts are very healing in my opinion.Perhaps it matters, and perhaps it doesn't.I have to be carefull not to let go of too much or I am liable to float away.I confess the use of the word "fraud" in an old forgotten post was very touching to me while I appreciated their passion towards my haphazzard comments I can't find anything fraudulant as much as thoughtless,insensitive and stupidly expressed on my part.I do wish the individual involved thought that the damage i caused myself,which remains and shall always remain insurmountable is enough along with their curse on me.The bigest problem with being public and being perceived as "anti" something that people feel passionate about is the poor fool who didn't realize they were being offensive is now marked for getting hassled on line,endless malware.Aso my original music on sound cloud won't blip and with this individuals resources, temperment and associations ANYTHING is possible. I see many vindictive comments written annonymously regarding this person that I find very offensive indeed to my sensibilities. offensive as my comment may be I was actually trying to defend can you believe i'm that careless.Lazy realy cuz I had a pretty serious and exacting job for 14 years.Be happy!!!I'm gone!!!!yea....yippy 4 someone or two or three.I'll communicate when communicated with(which is never .......never!!at least by any measurement of clear communication.)Its not imperative.Ah,back in the day I could have been vindictive and full to the brim with vituperative vitriolic bile par excellence but I do not entertain enmity 4 long towards oters although I find myself unforgivable.I must be more of a writer than I care to be because through a minimal amount of scouting I have enough material to write that one work of fiction each of us could write when one is older and greyer which still feels far off to me though its just around the corner I suppose.I am considering doing an amateur porn video with the crocadile for penance but It would be for a few people only and very stictly anonymous accept for those I want to share it with.Seems like a good site 4 it thouugh.Its the least I can do!!! I 'd like to remember stuff fondly rather then recall that the same "insult" according to one person was grounds by my dr. to put me in the state mental facility for a lengthy stay.I do not wish to know that the slighted person would wish that on me although its understandable given the time frame,when,blah,blah etc.I meant what I wrote regarding content in some recent blogz about this artist but I will not mention it again nor be in anyones face.I think I shall try harder the next time I get to tell someone that I think they are a singularly beautiful expression of the divine.I am ignorant regarding the aging process as I make so many mistakes I learn.It seems the more i am here on this sphere making circles around the sun the less apt I can be to critisize someone who reminds me of myself at times of my life.I can relate and I would not dare to presume I have something to say you may find worthwhile So now I shall say what I hope is the last of this......that I wish you supreme contentment and although I'm last on the list I would feel honour bound to be at your service if ever the need should (somehow I can not imagine it)arise.I know how I feel so all I can say is please accept this as you please......and........here it comes.......PERIOD,THE END. I hope all your desires come to pass for the benifit of all. P.s oops......I am sure you know all this and i hope i do not write this with a patronistic attitude.On some other occasion with other people I will take my words more seriously as ,putting vanity aside,I may have had and may for another have something of value to share in the spirit of "wu wei".In my mind the individual I address here will always be thought of as magnanimous and generous in essence and spirit.