POSTCARDS FROM FLEETING MOMENTS.A FEW MULTI-DIMENSIONAL EXPERIENCES AND POINTS OF VIEW.
Friday, September 10, 2010
The dude from argentina and a word I learned on teusday...
Moral turpitude is a phrase I have seen on a page while reading but never knew quite the meaning of.In retrospect I can see why I had it in my mind regarding this argentinian golfing dude from the seventies or something,whatever that means;because,it illustrates the meaning in a sweet way.Since I'm writing this and I have also written "when (or where?) there are words do not trust them",one would think I'm daft or something when I write that what your reading is one person trying to order and express thoughts.I am not sure why as there are a host of possibilities!!!This dude gave a woman 10k dollars after she told him the baby she was holding needed an operation.He won that much every weekend wherever he went.4 real the dude was on t.v golf tours and whatnot(ihategolf).No,he was a real man, is what I mean.he's perhaps even still extant and it was told to me and a few hundred others as a true anecdote.The next weekend his dudes tld him he had been tricked,that they knew the womans brother who told one of them the truth blah b b b blah and the dude said "you mean the baby is fine,its not sick,its a healthy baby?", and they said "that's right...." to which he sincerely replied "Thank god the baby is fine".Thats because his moral purpitude is not based on what society says is good and bad but what his heart tells him is of ultimate importance."where there are words don't trust them" is an eastern expression that I think has more to do with situations and the nature of words to always be different than what they are describing.I don't think they mean no words should ever be trusted.I don't have ESP although I have had my moments I am not aware that I have and use ESP,but I can know a lot through inference.I can know a lot when I am vibrating and moving next to someone else doing the same!!! I can understand someone elses feelings by a look or glance given off at a certain time,and don't we all? Words alone are an incomplete message but can be complete Its interesting to attempt to communicate through inference with words and songs and the inclusion of consideration of someone elses individual and relative inferences."WHAT A LOAD OF HOG WASH HOW MUCH MORE CONVALUTED.......".It was supposed to segway in to something about blip fm.I seem to recall writing something about subtlety at blip fm and last night I noticed a song called "I just want to fuck you" and I realized I don't know what I'm talking about!!!!no time to edit oh well BUT IT DIDN'T NEED IT AND i AINT DONE.I have implicit faith in nature whether I like it or not and I am sure that people are not "things".I did very poorly in a comment I made regarding this,so poorly in fact that nowhere do I even mention it in the comment.People being turned in to objects of desire by others and being made in to idealized thoughts of the person based on nothing.People do this with each other endlessly it seems and finding fame and fortune is one of many examples.I am sure I am sure of little.GOD......WHY DOES THE CURSOR START MOVING AROUND BY IT SELF? aND.....how does it? .I know the quality of the mind state i'm experiencing will be a grade or mark by which to know if my assumptions are useful based on the level of calm I am experiencing.uuuurrrr if i'm thinking good then i'm thinking in a balanced way and hopefully not thinking about thoughts.Well woopti fuckin do 4 me eh,,,,,? well thats enough I suppose and of course......................me to
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A RECENT PAINTING ,PART OF SERIES.... Painting Painted by Ralph Usdan 9/8/10
Presto Manifesto ! !
No sooner did I write ".....more creative......" ,or soon there after, I went to Douglasston early to paint and was prodigious.More importantly I got a pick up from employing the sketching out of a concept which adds electricity as one of the media.Although one painting was completed,it represents its own regeneration as being somewhat effortless.I have gone many years not doing what I do with my painting which is an ease with large format work.In this case,owing to the addition of a mechanical device or two,or three,as well as the metal involved which creates a 'sculpture like' implication,two and a half by three could work.It occurs to me today how much film making can be like movies.Some directors of film could so well visualize what they wanted that they can sketch out the story board version of the scene with such precision and accuracy that they did not need to be there.I have seen interviews of various film makers,some of whom mentioned that 4 them the hard work is over once you've completed the writing and plans to execute the script.I watched this Wayne Wang movie I had never seen but knew about.I think this movie is easy and touching to watch and because it was made on a 10,000 dollar budget the economy of the scenes makes for clean editing of an exactly chosen series of scenes.Its called "Chan is Missing" This is what a professional movie made at home would look like I suppose. A lot of painting happens through non verbal experience and its accumulation and everyone is different besides, but,one could agonize over what to do at a point during the painting process for hours .....the strokes decided on take two minutes to employ and actually do.I keep hearing the song "no more words" in my head while attempting to write a post.Also, I would like to write one work of fiction in my life and use my life experiences to draw from so,in the art of writing,the less words the better.I don't need to write my life down to know what to write.Sometimes this is a way to communicate very extraneously with others without demanding when if one ore the other ever does,and it is a way to share whats coming in by letting it out.It appears to me that there are other ways to communicate that are sweeeeeeeet if not indescribable,serendipitous light and funny.I don't really have much now....................but i will want to write something(or think I do)sooner or later....and since i spaced out and didn't bother to edit it until a bit later wound up fulfilling.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I have Implicit faith in you
I have implicit faith that some people whom I may not know or seem to know or have anything in common with are very much a significant part of how I fit in the world.I believe that divergence is love and I believe that loving someone in any variety does not guarantee fireworks when lips meet when appropriate.I imagine someone feeling as I do and I speak to them as I remind myself of the relative and ultimate truth of things visualizing real peacefulness pervading the world.I imagine sharing the intimacy of common experience without having to be in front of someone or have a need to control whether they are or not.I trust Nature and I believe that contentment is worthy of desire.I believe that soups that take a long time to make taste better than microwave instant.I believe at times in my life I couldn't stand anyone thinking they knew me and I think I had an aversion to being loved that had a good reason so I have been well honored by your teaching.Songs do not come close to expressing though I am a lot more creative lately........hhhmmmm.My heart is resilient in a very strong way today and lately.
Falling Back Apart but Together Forever or Whatever....
I NEVER GOT CLOSE TO WRITING WHAT I SET OUT TO, LET ALONE FINNISH HERE SO PROCEED ACCORDINGLY. I was thinking,which can be a bigger mistake 4 then not 4 me.That's because I had a somewhat none working sense of discretion.I have an aunt who hasn't even a slight notion of what is appropriate to say and when in her social intercourse.I have seen this in other people as well and was horrified to find it in myself but consoled to see that with a little extra effort ,and in general,it was not that bad 4 me.Aunt Ellie would be at a party and c an old friend and then speak to them in a loud voice above the crowd to let them know the important insight......"my god June,your so fat!!!!". Then..."why don't you join weight watchers".....and on and on she would go.She had a terrible childhood period the end and given the apparatus she had to work with neurologically she would have been hard on any parents.So much mental anguish goes away as one walks along their trail it seems to me.Perhaps its meaningless and they don't notice it as they are absorbed in some "all encompassing high stress crises".Many people use trauma and crises as a habitual way to motivate oneself.I can relate because most all my life I have been a total morning person.A normal day for me always started when the sun came up with my heart pumping fast and my head full of positive funny and scatological thinking.ooops gotta go out and meet the dude 4 a sec.....to be continued.And.........ok so...um.Ok...so the above is regarding something that I was musing over and might want to recall or perhaps have thrown in my face!Do I know?I do not have ESP that I am aware of.I have seen what the power of suggestion can do to manipulate other people's conclusions and,owing to my odd voice,I realize that even making comments employing what was supposed to be taken as facetious mock "authoritarian" can turn out looking and being perceived as actual.I mentioned overcoming a habitual lack of awareness or a "neurologically" explained space out moment because I have left a long trail of uncompleted thoughts that I forgot about by the time I started writing and there just none sense because I sat around thinking something and while organizing these thoughts wound up writing or blogging one supporting paragraph which winds up communicating something that a sure lack of social discretion can be my only explanation.Abraham Lincoln was known to have lacked a degree of expression and his war minister ....Stanton" said the president couldn't keep secrets unless of course you told him.I can relate and I also know I am perfectly capable of comporting myself with excellent acumen.I think I got very lazy and as my "give a shitter" altered as I progressed down the trail.Most of my so called disability can be overcome and it seems to me that when I was living in the new york city shelter system,not knowing what was going to happen as I spent my time wrapped up in meeting all the compliances one must go through with doctors,federal agencies and maintaining all the consistent responses required to let the system work and award you your earned disability check,I got in the habit of pressing the panic button compulsively.Getting hysterical about stuff that didn't actually exist and throwing common sense out the window.The fact is that how one feels is often largely something we can't control and some people are just like everyone else just a lot more so.Just a little bit of experience with a psychotic episode means for some(and at DIFFERENT points in ones life) and definitely according to the medical community,that they will always have to take special measures to avoid such episodes thereby rendering the person "disabled".That means that whenever you apply for most jobs you are required to inform the employer,by law and for the well being of society ,that you have a predilection towards becoming psychotic even if this rarely happens.Just loss of sleep can cause a domino affect that can cause lots of heartache for people involved.You know I know better than to think anyone reading this thinks I am saying "oh ,look at how much I 'do the right thing' or what have you".There is I think, a point and thankfully an end to this post which is that,just like my satisfied reaction to someone else's artistic work which expresses something I deeply feel needs to be, I am satisfied to c someone content and satisfied without needing them to do so in a manner I wish or desire.I can not always get there with enough certitude to alter some negative feelings and thoughts driving me nuts but....uh o time ran out and I gotta get s'more minutes.....hold on ...almo..... I don't know if I can blip and do this at the same time.There once was a man from Argentina and he was an international champion golfing pros.He wasn't a top dude but he....man that blip is kickin my ass.It works best if I just let it choose because otherwise i start turning over ideas of any possible song or variation thats playing and get stuck on tunes I know already and miss out hearing new and juicy.There isn't a love song written to describe whats in my heart for some people
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A GEM OF AN EXCHANGE OF COMMENTS I FOUND RE: LIVE SCIENCE ARTICLE ON WOMEN'S BRAINS
"There is no such thing as a unisex brain," says neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine of the University of California in San Francisco and author of "The Female Brain."
Despite the trumpets of women's lib, science suggests sex differences are innate. Women, apparently, are not curvy versions of men sporting high-heeled shoes.
Here are 10 things every woman-loving man should know.
-- Robin
Wow--there's always an excuse for women to behave irrationally and nastily, isn't there? My wife torments my daughter and I for two weeks out of every month, and of course it's "PMS".
I've been alive awhile now. I've had more than my share of days when I have had hardly any sleep (or literally no sleep at all). I've been stressed to the extreme over money, health, or anything else that happens in life. I've had hormonal surges of my own. But what I haven't done is go around treating people like garbage as a matter of habit, because I can fall back on some bullshit "it's my body" excuse.
Wow i find this offensive. Are we living in 1950? So women's "hormones" prevent them from any sort of rational or effective functioning, including child-bearing by themselves in the early years because they can't handle stress? How do you explain women doing more housework than men -- even when they work just as long at work? AND doing the child-care work? If they can't handle stress and are so irrational?
Look, some of this is true for me. I prefer to "befriend" people rather than compete with them. But I can also hold my own in an argument. Most women can't because they have been taught not to argue -- they lack the skills because they are taught to be nice all the time instead of competent or smart or right.
You will probably find brain differences in people who were taught sports and people who were taught to read quietly by themselves too. That doesn't mean the differences are in-born.
I'm sure pregnancy will be hormonally difficult -- something men never have to deal with.
But come on, you take statistical generalizations like these, make a really big deal out of them, let people pick the negatives like "heartsick" here who skips the "women care for other people and try to make friends all the time" bit and jumps on the "cant' handle stress" bit to explain his unpleasant wife, and you might as well remove women from all jobs and stick them in the home, or better yet, in the basement where their hormonal manipulative ways can't affect their children in a negative way, because clearly, weak, hormonal, stress-intolerant women aren't fit for the uber-stressful job of raising children. ETepicyon wrote:
I agree. I dislike this article because it gives other people the excuse to say "Oh, you're a women, you're like this" without even knowing me. It might be the stereotype, but it's not like there isn't an incredible amount of variation between the sexes. I didn't relate to much of anything in the article. Personality wise, I'm just like my dad and honestly, I enjoy conflict - just not the emotional drama crap - and I work best under constant stress. This article is a bit pointless, and it doesn't really promote the right stuff.
Despite the trumpets of women's lib, science suggests sex differences are innate. Women, apparently, are not curvy versions of men sporting high-heeled shoes.
Here are 10 things every woman-loving man should know.
-- Robin
Wow--there's always an excuse for women to behave irrationally and nastily, isn't there? My wife torments my daughter and I for two weeks out of every month, and of course it's "PMS".
I've been alive awhile now. I've had more than my share of days when I have had hardly any sleep (or literally no sleep at all). I've been stressed to the extreme over money, health, or anything else that happens in life. I've had hormonal surges of my own. But what I haven't done is go around treating people like garbage as a matter of habit, because I can fall back on some bullshit "it's my body" excuse.
Wow i find this offensive. Are we living in 1950? So women's "hormones" prevent them from any sort of rational or effective functioning, including child-bearing by themselves in the early years because they can't handle stress? How do you explain women doing more housework than men -- even when they work just as long at work? AND doing the child-care work? If they can't handle stress and are so irrational?
Look, some of this is true for me. I prefer to "befriend" people rather than compete with them. But I can also hold my own in an argument. Most women can't because they have been taught not to argue -- they lack the skills because they are taught to be nice all the time instead of competent or smart or right.
You will probably find brain differences in people who were taught sports and people who were taught to read quietly by themselves too. That doesn't mean the differences are in-born.
I'm sure pregnancy will be hormonally difficult -- something men never have to deal with.
But come on, you take statistical generalizations like these, make a really big deal out of them, let people pick the negatives like "heartsick" here who skips the "women care for other people and try to make friends all the time" bit and jumps on the "cant' handle stress" bit to explain his unpleasant wife, and you might as well remove women from all jobs and stick them in the home, or better yet, in the basement where their hormonal manipulative ways can't affect their children in a negative way, because clearly, weak, hormonal, stress-intolerant women aren't fit for the uber-stressful job of raising children. ETepicyon wrote:
I agree. I dislike this article because it gives other people the excuse to say "Oh, you're a women, you're like this" without even knowing me. It might be the stereotype, but it's not like there isn't an incredible amount of variation between the sexes. I didn't relate to much of anything in the article. Personality wise, I'm just like my dad and honestly, I enjoy conflict - just not the emotional drama crap - and I work best under constant stress. This article is a bit pointless, and it doesn't really promote the right stuff.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
To a dear heart I am sure.....addressed elswhere dear heart
The Latin phrase "Lorem Ipsum Dolar" Has nothing to do with the words nonesense or meaningless.4 example I wrote here that in movie editing the cuts go from still shot to moving when in fact the sorta 'institutional' way is the opposite.Scenes in motion go to scenes in motion while scenes that are still or with out camera movement follow one anonother to a point only but 4 toes inclined interesting to observe.Editing establishes the rhythm of the movie experience in part so one might care about this if one were a dancer or musician along with those gifted in visual arts that include 'Composition', as well.THE POINT is that LOREM IPSUM DOLAR OR HOWEVER ITS SPELT means something more akin to misnomering a phrase.Yes....litoraly thats also nonenesense because the expression has a distinct usage from whence it came.Ok who cares about this bit cheers The word Metaphysics is completely misnomered.It never meant more than a description to added meterial to the "physics" supposedly written by aristotle Hence the added "Metta".All this could be said to be as worthy of your time as 'Lorem Ipsum Dolar'is relevant to the material content wherein it is used.I'M GUESSING BUT THATS MY STORY AND I'M STICKIN TO IT.
Friday, September 3, 2010
This is a post I found and appreciated so I wanted to share it.
ONE HEART
Eat, Pray, Love is a tribute to our human ability to change our thinking and, thus, change our lives. The main character is willing to confront her internal demons (faulty assumptions and beliefs), thus moving from fear to love. In one scene she comments that “ruin is the beginning of transformation.”
I affirm that enough of us will be willing to change ourselves so that planetary ruin is not required. Chaos is the precursor to transformation. I envision each and every person engaging the chaos of changing our outdated beliefs so that we can prevent the more radical societal chaos that is likely to ensue if we don’t. In other words, let’s do our individual transformation so that harsher societal consequences can be avoided.
Few doubt that we are living in a time of choice. One way or the other people and their societies are about to take a quantum leap. I, for one, affirm we will do it the easier way…by changing ourselves…opening up to love, and leaving fear behind. That is my choice. What is yours?
Posted By Charlotte Shelton
Eat, Pray, Love is a tribute to our human ability to change our thinking and, thus, change our lives. The main character is willing to confront her internal demons (faulty assumptions and beliefs), thus moving from fear to love. In one scene she comments that “ruin is the beginning of transformation.”
I affirm that enough of us will be willing to change ourselves so that planetary ruin is not required. Chaos is the precursor to transformation. I envision each and every person engaging the chaos of changing our outdated beliefs so that we can prevent the more radical societal chaos that is likely to ensue if we don’t. In other words, let’s do our individual transformation so that harsher societal consequences can be avoided.
Few doubt that we are living in a time of choice. One way or the other people and their societies are about to take a quantum leap. I, for one, affirm we will do it the easier way…by changing ourselves…opening up to love, and leaving fear behind. That is my choice. What is yours?
Posted By Charlotte Shelton
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
corny but still good in my opinion! hope you like it it reads out loud well.(only the 1st stanza is not english)
1. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.
LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats 5
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question … 10
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, 15
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, 20
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; 25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate; 30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go 35
Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— 40
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare 45
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, 50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all— 55
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? 60
And how should I presume?
And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress 65
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets 70
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! 75
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? 80
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, 85
And in short, I was afraid.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while, 90
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”— 95
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while, 100
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: 105
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. . . . . 110
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use, 115
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.
I grow old … I grow old … 120
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me. 125
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown 130
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
CONTENTS · BIBLIOGRAPHIC RECORD
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S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.
LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats 5
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question … 10
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, 15
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, 20
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; 25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate; 30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go 35
Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— 40
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare 45
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, 50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all— 55
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? 60
And how should I presume?
And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress 65
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets 70
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! 75
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? 80
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, 85
And in short, I was afraid.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while, 90
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”— 95
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while, 100
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: 105
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. . . . . 110
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use, 115
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.
I grow old … I grow old … 120
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me. 125
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown 130
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
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oops
Perhaps
"And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
Plainly,I made this blog more public than propriety would sensibly dictate through posting on a heavily trafficked blog site several years ago.We all can relate but perhaps a little more so on my part I am not proud to admit.Besides someone (almost anyone with my choices) would have handled it with less mental"density".Have I not written that I write this blog from and to a deep archrtypal place within my psychology that connects so much of ones inner self as to be intricately wholistic in relation to my life within and externally.Or something like that!I was a very lucky child for if I had been born in to a different class or country it would have meant a one way ticket to the credemore state mental hospital at best.The people my age who wound up there were unspeakably abused in every way.
I was singled out as dense and in need of medical attention by 5 years of age which amounted to little more than repeating several grades.I am a lucky man.I must let go of obsessively horror=frying myself for continueing to be private publicly and worst of all being so non challant and thoughtless about it.I have a mere intuition that if someone was reading this I have improptu guessed they assume I must think as they, much like my previous example of a car cutting off another.It somehow makes sense to the dude cutting you off.A good lesson I learned on a deeper level this year had to do with human affairs,socialization and how subsequently I acted like a slightly "off" 11 year old most of the time.If someone wanted me to be angry wih them now would be a bad time.I havn't been able to maintain hateful thoughts and feeligs much at all and I wonder if someone is mad at me 4 it!perhaps they think I am pretending and so they would feel further wrath at my glib dishonesty.I found over time in the passing of the centuries that it is hard to walk in another person's shoes and making superficial, crass simple judgements of others bad habbits or poor luck.Oddly artists,who often have keen thoughtful insights,owing to their commitment to excellent work,will be thoughtlessly judgemental in a harsh manner when the situation might be perfect for the healing power of a creative,thoughtful and hence "healing answer" even when no question was asked.The arts are very healing in my opinion.Perhaps it matters, and perhaps it doesn't.I have to be carefull not to let go of too much or I am liable to float away.I confess the use of the word "fraud" in an old forgotten post was very touching to me while I appreciated their passion towards my haphazzard comments I can't find anything fraudulant as much as thoughtless,insensitive and stupidly expressed on my part.I do wish the individual involved thought that the damage i caused myself,which remains and shall always remain insurmountable is enough along with their curse on me.The bigest problem with being public and being perceived as "anti" something that people feel passionate about is the poor fool who didn't realize they were being offensive is now marked for getting hassled on line,endless malware.Aso my original music on sound cloud won't blip and with this individuals resources, temperment and associations ANYTHING is possible. I see many vindictive comments written annonymously regarding this person that I find very offensive indeed to my sensibilities. offensive as my comment may be I was actually trying to defend can you believe i'm that careless.Lazy realy cuz I had a pretty serious and exacting job for 14 years.Be happy!!!I'm gone!!!!yea....yippy 4 someone or two or three.I'll communicate when communicated with(which is never .......never!!at least by any measurement of clear communication.)Its not imperative.Ah,back in the day I could have been vindictive and full to the brim with vituperative vitriolic bile par excellence but I do not entertain enmity 4 long towards oters although I find myself unforgivable.I must be more of a writer than I care to be because through a minimal amount of scouting I have enough material to write that one work of fiction each of us could write when one is older and greyer which still feels far off to me though its just around the corner I suppose.I am considering doing an amateur porn video with the crocadile for penance but It would be for a few people only and very stictly anonymous accept for those I want to share it with.Seems like a good site 4 it thouugh.Its the least I can do!!! I 'd like to remember stuff fondly rather then recall that the same "insult" according to one person was grounds by my dr. to put me in the state mental facility for a lengthy stay.I do not wish to know that the slighted person would wish that on me although its understandable given the time frame,when,blah,blah etc.I meant what I wrote regarding content in some recent blogz about this artist but I will not mention it again nor be in anyones face.I think I shall try harder the next time I get to tell someone that I think they are a singularly beautiful expression of the divine.I am ignorant regarding the aging process as I make so many mistakes I learn.It seems the more i am here on this sphere making circles around the sun the less apt I can be to critisize someone who reminds me of myself at times of my life.I can relate and I would not dare to presume I have something to say you may find worthwhile So now I shall say what I hope is the last of this......that I wish you supreme contentment and although I'm last on the list I would feel honour bound to be at your service if ever the need should (somehow I can not imagine it)arise.I know how I feel so all I can say is please accept this as you please......and........here it comes.......PERIOD,THE END. I hope all your desires come to pass for the benifit of all. P.s oops......I am sure you know all this and i hope i do not write this with a patronistic attitude.On some other occasion with other people I will take my words more seriously as ,putting vanity aside,I may have had and may for another have something of value to share in the spirit of "wu wei".In my mind the individual I address here will always be thought of as magnanimous and generous in essence and spirit.
"And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
Plainly,I made this blog more public than propriety would sensibly dictate through posting on a heavily trafficked blog site several years ago.We all can relate but perhaps a little more so on my part I am not proud to admit.Besides someone (almost anyone with my choices) would have handled it with less mental"density".Have I not written that I write this blog from and to a deep archrtypal place within my psychology that connects so much of ones inner self as to be intricately wholistic in relation to my life within and externally.Or something like that!I was a very lucky child for if I had been born in to a different class or country it would have meant a one way ticket to the credemore state mental hospital at best.The people my age who wound up there were unspeakably abused in every way.
I was singled out as dense and in need of medical attention by 5 years of age which amounted to little more than repeating several grades.I am a lucky man.I must let go of obsessively horror=frying myself for continueing to be private publicly and worst of all being so non challant and thoughtless about it.I have a mere intuition that if someone was reading this I have improptu guessed they assume I must think as they, much like my previous example of a car cutting off another.It somehow makes sense to the dude cutting you off.A good lesson I learned on a deeper level this year had to do with human affairs,socialization and how subsequently I acted like a slightly "off" 11 year old most of the time.If someone wanted me to be angry wih them now would be a bad time.I havn't been able to maintain hateful thoughts and feeligs much at all and I wonder if someone is mad at me 4 it!perhaps they think I am pretending and so they would feel further wrath at my glib dishonesty.I found over time in the passing of the centuries that it is hard to walk in another person's shoes and making superficial, crass simple judgements of others bad habbits or poor luck.Oddly artists,who often have keen thoughtful insights,owing to their commitment to excellent work,will be thoughtlessly judgemental in a harsh manner when the situation might be perfect for the healing power of a creative,thoughtful and hence "healing answer" even when no question was asked.The arts are very healing in my opinion.Perhaps it matters, and perhaps it doesn't.I have to be carefull not to let go of too much or I am liable to float away.I confess the use of the word "fraud" in an old forgotten post was very touching to me while I appreciated their passion towards my haphazzard comments I can't find anything fraudulant as much as thoughtless,insensitive and stupidly expressed on my part.I do wish the individual involved thought that the damage i caused myself,which remains and shall always remain insurmountable is enough along with their curse on me.The bigest problem with being public and being perceived as "anti" something that people feel passionate about is the poor fool who didn't realize they were being offensive is now marked for getting hassled on line,endless malware.Aso my original music on sound cloud won't blip and with this individuals resources, temperment and associations ANYTHING is possible. I see many vindictive comments written annonymously regarding this person that I find very offensive indeed to my sensibilities. offensive as my comment may be I was actually trying to defend can you believe i'm that careless.Lazy realy cuz I had a pretty serious and exacting job for 14 years.Be happy!!!I'm gone!!!!yea....yippy 4 someone or two or three.I'll communicate when communicated with(which is never .......never!!at least by any measurement of clear communication.)Its not imperative.Ah,back in the day I could have been vindictive and full to the brim with vituperative vitriolic bile par excellence but I do not entertain enmity 4 long towards oters although I find myself unforgivable.I must be more of a writer than I care to be because through a minimal amount of scouting I have enough material to write that one work of fiction each of us could write when one is older and greyer which still feels far off to me though its just around the corner I suppose.I am considering doing an amateur porn video with the crocadile for penance but It would be for a few people only and very stictly anonymous accept for those I want to share it with.Seems like a good site 4 it thouugh.Its the least I can do!!! I 'd like to remember stuff fondly rather then recall that the same "insult" according to one person was grounds by my dr. to put me in the state mental facility for a lengthy stay.I do not wish to know that the slighted person would wish that on me although its understandable given the time frame,when,blah,blah etc.I meant what I wrote regarding content in some recent blogz about this artist but I will not mention it again nor be in anyones face.I think I shall try harder the next time I get to tell someone that I think they are a singularly beautiful expression of the divine.I am ignorant regarding the aging process as I make so many mistakes I learn.It seems the more i am here on this sphere making circles around the sun the less apt I can be to critisize someone who reminds me of myself at times of my life.I can relate and I would not dare to presume I have something to say you may find worthwhile So now I shall say what I hope is the last of this......that I wish you supreme contentment and although I'm last on the list I would feel honour bound to be at your service if ever the need should (somehow I can not imagine it)arise.I know how I feel so all I can say is please accept this as you please......and........here it comes.......PERIOD,THE END. I hope all your desires come to pass for the benifit of all. P.s oops......I am sure you know all this and i hope i do not write this with a patronistic attitude.On some other occasion with other people I will take my words more seriously as ,putting vanity aside,I may have had and may for another have something of value to share in the spirit of "wu wei".In my mind the individual I address here will always be thought of as magnanimous and generous in essence and spirit.
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