Gurbledy guk or..........something? nothing?

The M.O of a genius has something in common with like minded others.Genius is definitive yet leaves a question that equates to a natural "quantum" process.Quantum as opposed to mechanical.I felt foolish trying to youtube jack depp in "dead man" cuz I kept getting the few violent scenes.Kinda funny and typical 4 mee.This is related to as a way of opening an important idea I discovered expressed by the anti hero in "the libertine".The movie about "the insipid", contains a few gems one of which has always figured large in my life.Paraphrased..any experiment with human nature must be carried out at ones own expense."experiment" sounds cold and says nothing to several aspects and qualities of being deeply in love with someone who truthfully understands you and you them.Sometimes I have accidentally done experiments while others I committed myself to 25 years ago are experiments I could have done without.I have this crazy faith in something.Its connected with much of the brass tax nitty gritty of my personality.There are several very hot potato's in my life without this idea/instinctual premonition.How do computer's do it? cuz one lyric on my reader reccomended list echoed my own words regarding the limitations of efficacy of any and I mean any "magic pill".Its the process of change or aka ..time and a willingness to let go of control that ,sometimes along with an occasional "magic pill", is the cure.4 me ,my life is as close as I can get it to what I knew 18 years ago to be what I needed to be quite calm and poised.I decided that I needed to be able to get that way in the worst off circumstances too.Kinda a macho thing I guess and I learned to not bore people about it unless asked.This backfired from one perspective but.....I am fairly certain I am still in the middle of the book of my life.One moments embrace and one moment of disarmed eye contact will make up for the time the narrator of the songs I commented on just now.You c what a fool I am.I don't know when or why but I sorta know how it is that I must stay with this faith in something I can not predict or control.It would be very confusing to anyone in the best of light and basically only I get it.My mouth and words have been tied by my admiration of someone's mind.Being in love is all about several things one of which is the mind for sure.I'm having fits of recognition, crazy crazy thoughts that someone I don't know can fell my thoughts and emotions.I think it shows i'm pretty healthy to be concerned about this.All of this is at loggerheads with that which I have this deep faith in.Having once thought I knew some people and finding out my arrogance and ignorance I have now learned a tincy weency bit.How could I fault someone for thinking they know my motivations and aspirations without having seen passion in my eyes as I share them if I judged and assumed with great haste.And I am merely describing my foibles not someone else s.I am commenting on the poetry of it all.Some people have said over the centuries,that flashy things are superficial.I beg to differ and beat them at the point;But you.....oh hypothetical you...because I've seen you plain,even in the cold that seemed designed to protect you and piss me off,I am cursed to imagine I am in love with your brain.And not asexually or sexually.Nothing is a waste .......if one is learning.If I insist that I exist to you at all I am considered to be medically unfit.This makes me very uncomfortable but not as bad as my childhood so its never that bad.I can take being insignificant to you...I have no choice.I believe in romantic love in a very impractical way I suppose!