cunnundrum cuz

Accidentally mirrored the old koan slash pull your hair out of your head double talk.Its rather well taken amung some promulgators of koan zen boodist practice that arrival at the place of unknowing and uncertainty and certainly doubt speaks to ones arrival at a new understanding of their experience of being.I realized something about "taking a seat" and Jon Zinn to do with " wu wei", the toaist ideal.This kinda came up cuz i was like duh why strike a pose for the main reson of not taking one.This question is a bit of a ping pong ball when"expert"meditator's write books.Do it for a reason? Do it esspecially NOT for a reason? I onchttp://www.ixquick.com/e got these cassetes of jon zinn doing guided meditation and did an experiment.I did the twenty minute one twice a day for thirty days and was very excited at the result.I had to drink less but for all the drinking I also liked a yogi's sorta monkish life.One thing for sure...it seemed often the more I maditated sometimes the more double shots of red label would be required.To Answer that question about having a reason I think it shows healthy compassion for oneself and subsequently others to do this practice for the peace and solace it can bring.Many maintain its not too good to do too much.Presently I do it for short impromptu sits that are long enough to reconnect me to what I alreaeady am but have odscured. I wonder if twenty minutes of formal practice twice a day or just once a day is a good guidline.Too much is suspicious for being a front to hide out.Many become detached emotinally from too much. mixing up psychological emptyness with so called "spiritual" emptyness,an idea that seems to have varrying meanings depending on who your talking to.I had a very scarry experience in 1995 at a ten day silent retreat which meant many hours of meditating a day.I was not conditioned for it and they had to pretty much drag me off the road where I stood with this feeling like molton rock was in my chest.A wonton rampage of self hatred and massochistic emtional thoughts flooded forth.I will always appreciate the time Christopher Tittmus and Sharda spent with me at I.M.S at that retreat and am glad they did not call an ambulance.That memory is very dear to me and still helps to recall sometimes.It pains me to think that I would forget or be blind to a kindness from someone.