some personel observations to share

"as far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in mere being".As a man who's main philosophy in life ,in the end, is to say "what for" and "why should I",I am satisfied with this statement.I say it like this:The measurement of a successful life is the degree in which a person experiences awe at existence each and every day.That is why I do not subscribe to a political view at all and I am neither an anarchist.I am a factual realist.I peruse the pattern of facts I have observed for 30 years and look for patterns.For example,I believe The president will be re-elected provided some way out scandalous activity does not occur.The only thing to stop that is if the republicans fail to win back the house at least.BORING CRAP EH? I agree.I have decided to record some of my recent journey for myself, when I am somewhere else down the road to use as perhaps some insight.Nothing to tricky here as you will,frankly,find copious examples of disingenuous content lacking...........(the answer is)................context.I found myself some time ago writing from a stand point of what I thought someone else thought of me.And as every successful person in any field of endeavor evolving money making deals knows,one ought not bargain with oneself as one can get short changed and waste valuable time.I was not writing to make money but the same rule applies.I had the trip I always wanted.I also had a therapeutic facing I administered myself.I knew I needed to clear the cob webs in earnest.I lost my calcified shell by reverting to a childlike state where i relived some of the horror.Some of these found release through the horror turning to laughter.What was essential I new was to not push the incrementally bittersweet quality of life away.That is , do not be averse to what the boooda called "duhka".I also gained back the 7 pounds of missing muscle and fat I require to think clearly.I had several life changing conversations with two soul mates who knew as I did that we need never see each other again but would honor the exchange by incorporating the ideas in to our being.One was a 21 year old lesbian(also one of the most beautiful woman at gathering of the tribes;And, an 80 something year old army psychologist who diagnosed me perfectly and was a bit cold about it but loving just the same.All in all all is well as I allowed myself to be a complete a hole by mimicking the mantra my mom taught all my life until i realized even though it was in me and tortured my slightly obsessive mind it was crazy and negative to express.......that is to express ones desire to somehow manage to off oneself.More than anything in this world,for myself,I prayed to be free of this and I have to thank my trip 4 that.I sis not have a feeling of being left out,rejected or need to foist my expression on others.Have you ever felt that way? That a large and palpable weight is off you?I turned around and faced myself and found a very naive and innexperienced person.One of my often expressed opinions in certain circles is that anyone younger than me by at least 20 years de facto knows something I don't.I hate hierarchy especially in the arts but also overall.I detest people telling me how it is or how to be in any know it all passionate and non humorous way.This post itself is an example of how my life is often a struggle to consistently say,do and act in agreement.I do tend to love what I hate and hate what I love but not to far in to being compulsive in my actions in a hateful and destructive way as some.That we must learn each in our own way and own time seems reasonable to me.New subject................................why anyone wants to c my twitter is insane to me unless they know something about me i suppose;But,doctors???????????I will no longer accept any followers but the very honest and up front request.Likewise no more crazy and surely messages on u tube or e mails less than very official.There is room in my life for one human who is sarcastic and narley in a surely way right now at least...................that would be yours truly! love r