I just can not resist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanisław_Lem Geeee I wonder if that links??????Oh well...either way ,now that the spelling of the Polish author of the book,'Solaris' has been established I feel emboldened to say that in as much as I have been informed he did not like the first filmed version of his book,this 21st century version could only be mystifying to the author of nuanced social criticism written in a variety of ways.I remember all the reviews of the new version of lem's work called it "Tarkovsky's Solaris".Andre Tarkovsky made movies with as little polemics as could be possible to be obvious in a film.Andrey Rublyov,made significantly earlier than the first Solaris ,is as far as I know widely to be considered a "great film".Andrey Rublyov is an artists movie about artists and the concept of art occurring by mystery is explored as an avenue towards a further social reality whereby everyone is considered an artist by dint of ones life itself.Tarkovsky wrote a much better movie in my opinion but his name need go no further.This new television commercial type version falls so far bellow what I thought it must be like I can not imagine what other people saw including some who asked me to spill whatever I knew about it.I always loved the original film and had seen it at a theater many moons ago as part of a triple feature with the now non existant original thx1138 and blade runner all on a giant movie screen.Solaris is obviously composed visually to make those visual choices part of the story.The power of oblique seemingly unconnected images to create a compelling story is certainly part of the reason I was drawn to the film but over years of watching it I realize the abstract visual composition within the film in so many scenes throughout are compelling as they are satisfying to the eye.Initially I had the book and found the movie a little less but it is a close facsimile in my opinion.George Clooney seems to have made a movie that tries to replace the director's inability to direct the film with dialogue invented by putting words to Tarkovsky's visual suggestions.Tarkovsky came from a high ranking apparatchick family and constrained by the Soviet censor, still he does not film scenes with a slightly moving camera to create the "affect" of the cutting edge in artistic expression.I say well done to those who watched this pointless remake with any interest at all as it shows good staying power and the ability to make whats best out of a terrible situation.21st century Solaris has a nice music score but still falls short of the original.It seems obvious when dialogue is used for convenience as it is in these cases in film when I either do not care or become ambivalent about the characters.

I am not single

I have never clicked anything worse then "its complicated" but it is my opinion that someone registered me as single surreptitiously.Kaput,joined the choir eternal, eviscerating, de-evolving.........morphing in a complicated fashion..........these describe my relationship but not my status.There are important passions in life that require a quieting of the lower chakra's so to speak,the result is that in order to go where you want to go one must be true to themselves AND true to ones values however subjective they may appear to others. Generally speaking if your sleeping in someone's bed most of the time(the same bed),then your not single.Now it happens that I am sleeping in my own bed almost every night in my own private big room.That still does not change my relationship status..I uploaded smoky jane my cat on to a dating site but that also does not change my status.I am not single and I have never said I was.More importantly,I'm more apt to fall in love with whats inside a girl and that takes time to find out about.

love through poetry by ralph usdan

With no senses and the smile of a chimp ......I shall more or less continue to speak when spoken to.I have written this poem for years and I know its what I mean.The loss of not being somewhere or being enough for another is a primal one that we must all feel from time to time.How could I not think of wasted words? Would mountains move for you to quell the fire in your soul? would, if only for the sake of like seeing like.When I see the sadness I know they, you hide,your fierce desire so familiar that waves of healing from your light immerse and engulf me,how can I avoid the bittersweet heat of my hijacked heart or the perspiration that washes away my mind by my heart filled from the full moon of your totality possessing me? Would mountains move for me or would it be easier to wait,unaware, on the curbside, in a cafe' corner table,outdoors and hidden,for you to c me for the first time.How could that be wrong which is of its self,without contrivance. http://picasaweb.google.com/ralphusdan/RalphUsdanPaintings20072008#518819022667750521http://docs.googlhttp://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dcjxg98t_3f23xp4hq&hl=ene.com/Doc?id=dcjxg98t_3f23xp4hq&hl=en8ut

A few notions

Regarding the documentary of"dyspeptic" films I wondered at the sentiments of the person or 'bot', that recommended it.I have never been sure how videos get on you tube for my perusal on my start page.As 'Blade runner and Thx1138 are among the top five I wondered if the top five includes the thousands of morose films and theater made by human beings.Perhaps this video was sent as a marker and message that I a dyspeptic as I like these two films.I like them for other reasons than any "morose" quality.Blade runner is a philosophical novel that asks the question "are we different than feeling soulful robots" with a somewhat happy ending while I have only seen the original thx1138 since replaced completely by a depressing digital backdrop.In the original I found it hard to watch but the ending was a great message of truth and beauty in the image of the final scene..Blade runner will be remembered not as a morose film but one so well written and executed,30 years later most cities around the world look and feel the way L.A does in blade runner.Thats my opinion.The degree that other human beings are suffering and in pain is hard to live with and a visit to the hospital might cause someone to rethink their definition of morose and whether this quality is part of human existence and valuable to expose in popular art.Sounds pretty good right.That video raises some interesting questions about art and the human condition.I got to go shake my shit a bit at this party which is every week.Not enough people dancing accept for us freaks.I liked parts of the song choices on both visits but not all my favorite grooves for dancing.Still....glad to have it near by and I wish them a great success.moe to cum

its sleeting out

In the Tao and in Chung-Tzu contains the obscured "religion" to which I practiced for many years.In the course of studying History on my own,my interests in applied philisophicle practice crossed paths with Russian history in the form of Mr.Ouspensky,whom I studied as diligently as i could.Doing things your very afraid to do is part of this.Booodizm iz similla and I did a lot of that.Then I realized There were fearz within beneath any conscious attempt to confront them.I was a perfect statue at the time which was the boring life of a noun.I fooled myself in many ways.Thenceforward I decided to unlearn all the meditation time and retreats and Dharma talks ,getting as tangled and lost in thought as I naturally am capable.At the age of thirty seven I had not experienced or expressed so much that I was very defensive particularly as I was still overprotected by a system that I knew rewarded the "unearned privileged" which accosted an odd sense of "honor" I felt as a "man".I decided to go to fantastical lengths to break all and any false concretion in the underlying belief of everything I took for granted as thought out in order to draw my own conclusion regarding many actions.I invested a lot of time burning down all taboo's I found within.I became what I found to the exact degree it was present." Know Thy Self " was my maxim and I suppose an ongoing way of life whereby a deep commitment with being honest with oneself often requires a long time to realize.I was actually wanting to become a monk!!!! I was that out of touch with what I am which imploded with the reality experienced intensively practicing Vippassanna fallowed by a naive but insipid course of treatment with a highfalutin Neurol-Psychiatrist.All this crap I wrote was just to say Thank You to a universe which has displayed itself to me in a loving form.I am embarrassed to be recognized but I say to the kind person who understands who I am "of the good things in me you see it is your soul that is described".I know accepting love in any and all forms is a big life lesson that continues.If someone appreciates me I am glad,which I gladly confess!,but I do not wish to require any other human being to be and act exactly as they feel when i c fit.I do not wish to lay expectation at another person's door.I would make a selfish friend if I expected another to be other then themselves at any rate.Even if its made up in my head, application of the kind words thus produces a lighter heart.Thanks to the words perceived and accepted as healing I can in turn heal others.Some say efficiency is a hallmark of the divine.

Extemporaneous Gutteral Utterances

How that is a readable understandable phrase I am curious.I know what it means to me but that is as far as I can go.I so the most ass nine building on 23 across from the park.Another square monolith!!!!!! HOW??? It is my opinion that the perfect shape of that tall thin new building would have at least included curves.I can not believe that The bauh-house school of human city dwelling is still afflicting us.Still a site to see coming down fifth from 34th to 23rd as one takes in the many different styles from the corner of 33rd for example.I was sent this very sad song about the essence of the belief that every person is an island.I am very curious about the person who wrote the song,and if of what I have seen in this world is so, then one day between now and the last the writer will take them back.It is still anyone's right to completely insist that whomever they please is dead,or gone.More later by by

wrong info

regarding "apocolypse"being somewhere to dance.Must have been a transmission problem.I was looking at some of my spaces on line and I am almost sure someone highjacked it cuz there are things that outn't to be there.Being the loccus and focal point of evil deeds that I am(according to who or what is not yet clear but just in case if its someone who knows me........I'm not a massochist like I used to be and I could not spend an iota of energy on most of the people who do not like me and get any sleep.It is fairly obvious when someone is indifferent or flat out about their disinterest or dislike of another.So.....in addition to whatever else someone wishes to write about me and seriptitiously connect to me I would like to add this.I think it is good to like those who like you while liking people who clearly dislike or are oblivious to you measures my level of dislike of myself to some degree.These simple opinions apply only to me.I have nothing worthwhile to say to another online namely because I am of the impression that other than bitter middle aged wives on aol, I can never beleive anything I read nor to whom the blurb,post or communique' is someone "having fun".I suppose I could appear to know something but don't......kinda like you met someone but they didn't know they were meeting you nor ever did but you might of thought they did.Subterfuge is not an ameteur endeavor for most of us do not want to have to remember so many lies!!!!!! Actualy interestingly during war no one in a top position thought about the germans listening in at all manner of private and public hour.They thought about what mis truths or mock events they could use or talk about to convince the germans something else was happening.Human beings seem to do this on various levels which is interesting.Whats nice is it involves no paranoia.I recall a homless man who looked bearded and crusty on sunday and then cleanly coifed in a fine suit the next day.In this regard and many others men often have more flexible and durable choices than woman.At least on paper.My heart is a muscle.I couldn't say anything 4 sure about anyone at this point.Now in my case.... my heart is a muscle and after it breaks it mends.Heart break and heart attack are often confused.You should see all the acres of land I have kept in my heart and in most case always will for people I loved and cared for but felt better not knowing me as it suited them or as I began to set up boundaries in my life as to what is acceptable on the part of someone who seemed to sincerely care and those who's behaviour sent a distinctly unfreindly manner due to there character and behaviour not matching simple healthy ideas of how people treat one another.I keep a place for all manner of people I shall alwayse love but I know what I have kept in my heart for them is just garbage to them.Point is I do not beleive in true love less but I put myself through enough heartbreak to become enured to it.This is a special prize I must have won cuz i ain't the worst sinical person at all so I feel passionate and hopefull often and Other than on a different scale no human being could ever break my heart even if I gave it to them with siverware.Its still soft, it just can not be broken. eyill be back on this cuz

oh lordeeeee

The world is certainly a mystifying place and I outn't sound sure or even be confident about in a joking matter regarding said knowledge.A little bit of pompous sanctimoneous writing attempting to be irony is much more than it seems.Enough of that.Destiny and truth as well as the immortality of beauty through the action of love was what I was thinking about recently and I realized some things about writing these somewhat pressingly relevant thoughts for me in to a work of fiction.It takes longer but not impossibly so.It is impossible for me to make someone forgive me,Even if I am innocent and did not make it rain today.There were alwayse kids in school that way,who alwayse got blamed.I did not have it the worst but I empathize with people whom I feel are being overly blamed.With this in mind I wonder.I have said hurtful things in certain circumstances in my life that deservrd an appology and I believe love means you never have to say your sorry.Sometim es I could be so mad at someone but when I see then I can never allow them to appologies too seriously and rationalize the blame being mine.I used to like people who did not like me and I suppose there are still some cases of this in my life.Whatever depth of passion I may or may not have for my like of a person who clearly dislikes me has changed over the years.My silly vocal tirades never change,alwayse in a loud deep voice if they occur making it seem worse.Its actually funny and I am happy to say people change quite a lot in some cases though even family and friends don't know.I would rather not have to be this obvious to be self-depricating to the point of ruining what I am trying to say but I am not saying I am any expert inanything;I think the opposite of love is fear.I have found this in my self in life.Others at times agree.I am the worst chess player who ever lived and I still wish I could Play .All I can write at this moment is that I meant nothing about the above statement.It seems very important to me that I say nothing.I feel this love in my body and mind that both includes and transcends other people or persons in specific.Other people can be powerful symbols for good and for our own destruction but each is at the center of their life and each their own arbitor.We make our own choices given what we know and do the best we can.To me this is a great priveledge in human life,to be given choice and destiny.This has always been a puzlement to me but as I strugled with it I began to come to the conclusion that destiny is what will happen anyway so to speak while choice is how we go through that destiny.A very wise woman many years advanced than I told me that once but I missed it at the time.The important thing is to some extent fullfill that destiny to some reasonable degree.That admits a lot about me namely I beleive In a reasonable universe which I do ULTIMATELY but not subjectively.I also am pretty sure this is a dumb way to look at things .I prefer being here now and c'ing what I get.I have never felt so certain about anything in a while and although prone to making mistakes ,still a broken clock is right twice a day......I know my own true love regardless of whether I have met,have not met, or perhaps never meet because if she were my own true love I know she must see through to her truth which I trust she will make ours in time.I must be that for or with her in whatever way I am that for her.That has to be the case if what I beleive, which goes against so much endless naysaying odds,is true.If I missed something she would see it.If I felt unforgivable she would forgive me and I would want to be there for her if it were needed.If I made a fool of myself and kept thinking about it she would laugh at its unimportance.I can not apply this to algorythms of course!!!!! No words can describe these odd feelings ......sometimes I feel pregnant!

Special "Bile" Edition-apple wrestling

BLANKETY BLANK UUUURRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHG BLECH THIS APPLE IS BETTER AT BEING INFERNAL I HAVE COME TO REALIZE.BEWARE OF SOMTHING CALLED "VUSE" IN MY OPINION.IT TAKES IT UPON ITSELF TO DOWNLOAD SOME IDIOTIC PORN.SOME OF US WERE BORN TO WATCH IT AND SOME OF US ARE BORN TO MAKE IT.EITHER WAY I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PICTURE AND A LIVING BEIING.DUMBDEE-DUMB-DUMBDUMDEEDAH.WHY DOESN'T IT DOWNLOAD SOMETHING MORE USEFUL? WHAT? OUR IMAGINATIONS ARE GONE?

Foxtrot......Tango.........Delta oops i didn't not do it as i was not thinking i was doing it again without having done it

This is pretty much the place where I write things 4 no apparent reason without being asked by anyone.I now plan to write in three places one of which will be all fiction,another 4 being extra polite and proper for socialization purposes, while yet a third,namely this blather you c b4 u.I enjoy writing a great deal but engaging life fully here and now is held in higher esteem.I am most inspired to write in the first three hours of getting up in the morning which is time 4 getting hither and thither in These parts.I realize that perhaps something is some way therefore I thence feel bound to being more considerate and sensitive to other people reading who may or may not be doing so..It is through rather extraordinary means that I am writing on this toppic.My heart is open and my mind is content.








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got an apple by grace

Yes! Finally I can feel comfortable goiinnggg on line without the endless pc junk doody.Its an old os 10 and different, so i keep typ oh ing etc bla-dee-bla-bla.Have a great day.